Thursday, October 9, 2008

epiphany 2.0

due to a horrible nightmare i have decided i need to do something about the 'career' situation. as a child i wanted to be an 'artist'. nothing really specific and i never developed much of a style in any medium until recently. which ended up being watercolor... and i've always hated watercolor. except i kinda satisfy my art nouveau hunger with it.

but i haven't painted in a long time.

all i want to do is knit. and now design. doesn't pay much, but after all this time i found an artistic path and holds more passion for me than all the paint and colored pencils in the world.

however i'm nursing a bit of tendinitis in my left arm. damn 'skein a day' challenge.

anyway. i've been thinking that i have no ambition career wise. haven't really had any since i got the wind knocked out of my art sails several years ago. so deep even the artist's way can't help me. i've tried twice!
am i lazy? maybe. but i think it boils down to fear of failure. i am so afraid of criticism. i'm not a crappy artist, maybe not the best, maybe out of practice, but i can hold my own... just not confidently!
another excuse is the art climate here. southwest is not my cup of tea. never will be. but surely i'm not alone in this and there is someone out there who is looking for something i can do.

this should be the least of my worries. i should just do it and then think about selling. that's what real artists are supposed to do, right? wait, real artists are all stuffy about selling. god forbid you make a living doing something other people are willing to pay for.

i work out 5 days a week now. something i NEVER EVER thought i would do. or even enjoy. and you know how i did it? i stopped making excuses.

so easy.


Shiva said...

Ice your tendonitis! And take some ibuprofen.

I can't wait to see how your manifest some art + career in your life. Exciting!

pacasha said...

ibuprofen was my friend yesterday. lets get tea or take a walk sometime!

Shiva said...

How about wednesday? I work at the Body Bar from 2pm-4pm. So before or after? Let me know. I will call you this week.

Shiva said...

Hey, how about Wednesday AM?? I am going to do yoga with that Swami at Myra's from 7am-9am (UG! How will I get out of bed?!) so how about after that?