Thursday, October 16, 2008

the root of all evil

i made a really strict budget for this month. needless to say, it has not stuck. this is due to many circumstances. mark needed things for home repairs and i didn't take that into account. i spent too much on groceries because... well, no good reason there. and i bought stuff for ngaio's bday tomorrow. i had all of her presents ready and really didn't think i needed to spend more, but then i became american and freaked over how it might look from the outside. like if she had 'friends' come and they didn't get a favor. omg. or if they were unimpressed with the leftover pirate decor from last bday. omg. or if ngaio didn't have balloons. omg.

pathetic. who cares? she's two. she could live the rest of the year without a party and it wouldn't phase her. oh well. i didn't spend THAT much.

then i bought fabric for her halloween costume (in the budget). but we have the BEST fabric store here and one purchase led to two others. not in the budget. one of the other pieces of fabric were for ng's christmas present, so i guess not all was lost.

we also went out to eat on sunday which was unnecessary. hell, it's never necessary, right?

i feel like we aren't getting anywhere! we don't live paycheck to paycheck. we have a savings account that is deposited into regularly BUT it doesn't grow too much and new zealand seems even further away. it's like exercising. one moment of weakness can really throw you off. (however, our mutual fund crapped out in all of this greedy wall street nonsense. bastards.)

speaking of: exercising is going great! i've averaged 5/6 days a week working out. the scale isn't moving, but i feel great. i've noticed this week that my hate handles have evened out. confused? me too. i was lopsided and now my left side is conforming. thank god. my fat will be symmetrical!

oh, and i overcame my fear of water (23 years) and started swimming this week. what's best, I LOVE IT!

nice progress all in all. no reason to complain. so shut up already!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

epiphany 2.0

due to a horrible nightmare i have decided i need to do something about the 'career' situation. as a child i wanted to be an 'artist'. nothing really specific and i never developed much of a style in any medium until recently. which ended up being watercolor... and i've always hated watercolor. except i kinda satisfy my art nouveau hunger with it.

but i haven't painted in a long time.

all i want to do is knit. and now design. doesn't pay much, but after all this time i found an artistic path and holds more passion for me than all the paint and colored pencils in the world.

however i'm nursing a bit of tendinitis in my left arm. damn 'skein a day' challenge.

anyway. i've been thinking that i have no ambition career wise. haven't really had any since i got the wind knocked out of my art sails several years ago. so deep even the artist's way can't help me. i've tried twice!
am i lazy? maybe. but i think it boils down to fear of failure. i am so afraid of criticism. i'm not a crappy artist, maybe not the best, maybe out of practice, but i can hold my own... just not confidently!
another excuse is the art climate here. southwest is not my cup of tea. never will be. but surely i'm not alone in this and there is someone out there who is looking for something i can do.

this should be the least of my worries. i should just do it and then think about selling. that's what real artists are supposed to do, right? wait, real artists are all stuffy about selling. god forbid you make a living doing something other people are willing to pay for.

i work out 5 days a week now. something i NEVER EVER thought i would do. or even enjoy. and you know how i did it? i stopped making excuses.

so easy.

Monday, October 6, 2008

troll in the dungeon!

snow on the mountain! you have to say it like professor quirrell says it in sorcerer's stone. it doesn't work otherwise.

so it's cold here! finally! actually it came a bit early this year. which is good cause it's really hard to knit in hot weather. i can't stand anything over 70. global warming strikes a double whammy to me!

knitting knitting. i finished sarah's simple knitted bodice in valley yarn's stockbridge, which is a wool and alpaca blend. it was nice to knit with and i hope to use it in a sweater for myself SOMEDAY. until then, i started a cobblestone pullover for my brother in elann's peruvian highland. i knitted 2 inches and then noticed i had TWISTED when i joined and was knitting a moebus. not really wearable as a sweater.

sarah and i took measurements this morning and figured out my body fat percentage. oh god it was high. so is my bmi. a bit scary actually and a total kick in the ass.
on the plus side, i lost several inches mostly in my arms and stomach (YIPPEE!!!)

off to knit and play with mom's new puppy. oh, the life.